Workshop Outline

Each of us has a theory of our emotions and the emotions of other people. This includes beliefs about which emotion are OK to have, how long an emotion will last, will the emotion go out of control, do others have similar emotions, do our emotions make sense, and whether we can accept having mixed feelings. These beliefs are called “Emotional Schemas”, and they determine whether we can tolerate emotions or feel the need to avoid or escape from emotions. 

In this workshop we will see how we can help clients recognize and label emotions, accept them while recognizing that there are helpful strategies for coping, and address these problematic beliefs. The goal is to live a richer more meaningful life which often entails emotions that we wish we did not have—but which are emotions that are inevitable with the relationships, experiences and memories that we will have. The goal is not to get rid of emotions or to be happy all the time, but to be able to experience a full range of meaning without getting hijacked by our emotions. Do emotions last forever, are they dangerous, are they unique to you, do your emotions make sense, can you accept mixed feelings, and do you feel ashamed about the way you feel. We will see how evolutionary theory, socialization, cultural and historical factors, anti-emotional beliefs, and emotional schemas combine to perpetuate painful emotions. And we will see how changing emotional schemas, acceptance, focusing on valued action, making meaning rather than comfort a priority, and how meta-cognitive techniques and metaphors can help people make room for, learn from and grow with emotion. Finally, we will see how existential perfectionism (seeking a perfect life) and emotional perfectionism (wanting only wonderful emotions) need to be reversed so that we can live in the real world where meaning entails disappointment and attachment involves loss.